Accept what the person has done to you and recognize that you have no control over it. However, you can control how you react to the situation. Recognize your own flaws and possible ways you have hurt people to help you accept the wrongdoing and release your resentment. Everyone makes mistakes, and recognizing your own mistakes will help you understand the mistakes the person who hurt you. [3] X Research source It won’t happen overnight, but the sooner you aim to let go of your resentment, the sooner it will become a priority. Focus moving forward instead of stewing.

Include your personal morals and beliefs in your analysis of the big picture. If you are strongly against cheating, and your partner has cheated on you, then your moral compass may not allow you to forgive them. However, if you personally believe you work through infidelity, then you can move towards forgiveness. [5] X Research source

Start by noting smaller positive attributes, such as, “they take the trash out” or “they send me helpful links at work”, then move into bigger positive attributes such as personality or good deeds they do. [7] X Research source

You might not want to talk with too many people and risk getting an overwhelming amount of opinions. Select a few trusted friends or family members whose opinions you highly value.

If you live with that person who has hurt you, you may need to find another place to stay for a while, if possible. If you don’t live together, then make it clear that you need some time away from each other and that you’ll reach out when you’re ready.

Before you open your mouth to say anything, ask yourself how it will sound or come across to the other person. Your words could be hurtful towards them, and then you are in the position of forgiving and having to be forgiven. Try writing down exactly what you want to say, and even practice in front of a mirror, to get it exactly how you want.

Use “I statements” such as “I felt hurt when you cheated on me because I’ve been loyal and devoted, and I thought you felt the same way. " Or, “I felt upset when you were gossiping about me because I don’t think I have done anything to deserve it. ” Use the general formula of, “I felt__ when __ because __”. Focus on expressing your feelings instead of the negative things they did.

To be a good listener, make eye contact, put away distractions such as your phone, and be open minded. Also, try to provide appropriate feedback by asking clarifying question or paraphrasing what they said. For example, after they say something, clarify and paraphrase the statement by saying, “so what you said was…” Do not be combative or defensive. Take deep breaths or step away from the situation if you get angry from something they say.

Empathy and forgiveness are tightly linked and it will be nearly impossible to forgive someone without feeling empathy for them. [17] X Research source Zechmeister, J. & Romero, C. 2002. Victim and offender accounts of interpersonal conflict: autobiographic narratives of forgiveness and forgiveness. Journal of personality and social psychology. 82: 675.

Be honest. Say something like, “I’m just not quite ready to start hanging out again. I hope you can respect that. "

If it’s a romantic relationship, treat it like going on a first date. You don’t have to hug, cuddle, or hold hands like you did before if you’re just not ready. In addition to taking small steps in getting your relationship back on track, learning to fully forgive will take small steps and practice. So mending your relationship slowly will help you become better at forgiveness.

When you catch yourself dwelling on the past, focus on the present moment instead. Be mindful by taking a deep breath and focusing on exactly what is in front of you; the smell in the room, the conversation with your friend, etc…[20] X Research source

Continuing with a platonic or romantic relationship after you have realized you are unable to forgive them is bad for both of you. You might become bitter or resent them which is unhealthy. Once you have realized that forgiveness might not be in the cards, cut the relationship off as soon as possible.

Realize that you have done the best you could at the time and accept the events that occurred. Try to cut yourself some slack and learn to self-love by thinking kind thoughts about yourself and read self-help books. [23] X Research source