You might go for a walk by yourself, or listen to relaxing music in your room while your partner is away.
Ultimately, forgiveness is about looking toward the future instead of dwelling on the past.
You might encourage your partner to delete the other person’s contact info from their phone and email, and to block them on Twitter, Facebook, and other social media.
During this conversation, you might ask, “Why did you feel the need to talk with someone else?” or “Is there something else going on that you want to talk about?” For instance, your partner might have felt emotionally unsatisfied in the relationship, or they weren’t able to communicate what they really needed.
You could say, “When you’re constantly looking at your phone, I feel hurt, because I have a need for your respect and attention. ” You might also say, “When you close me out of your life, I feel upset, because I have a need for emotional intimacy and communication. ”
You might say, “I need to know that you regret what happened” or “Are you sorry for cheating on me?” If your partner doesn’t show much remorse, you could say, “I really want to move forward and heal, but I need you to cooperate with me. ”
Instead of thinking, “I’m not a good enough partner,” think, “Jake didn’t know how to communicate what he needed, and chose to have an emotional affair. ”
For instance, you might write, “No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop feeling angry” or “It’s so hard to talk with Mike now that I know what he did. ”
Rigorous honesty can be difficult in the beginning. Your partner might try to minimize their actions, not tell the full truth, or expect forgiveness right away. In each conversation, hold your partner accountable for their words and past actions.
Sites like SupportGroups. com, InfidelitySupportGroup. com, and Beyond Affairs Network are great resources to check out.
If you aren’t quite ready for couples’ counseling yet, visiting a counselor independently might be a big help.
