Make sure you won’t run into this person during your day-to-day activities. If you go grocery shopping at the same time, or take the same route home from work, tweak your schedule slightly so a chance meeting becomes more unlikely. For right now, avoid social gatherings where you know he or she will be present. Politely explain to the host that you hope the event goes well, and that you are staying away only because you want to avoid a painful encounter.
Delete his or her contact information from your phone and email account. [5] X Expert Source Maggie MitchellLife Coach Expert Interview. 18 October 2021. Block his or her Facebook profile, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Take any other measures to prevent unwanted contact. If necessary, change your email address.
However, you may wish to add an addendum to this policy: sometimes learning the right things will help you find closure. Maybe this person has taken up smoking, moved to a different town, or lost their job. Let your friends know that if they think knowing something may help you find closure, they should say something.
If you can’t bear to get rid of certain items, bag them up and ask a family member or close friend if you can store them in their house, away from easy access. [9] X Expert Source Maggie MitchellLife Coach Expert Interview. 18 October 2021. Request the items be kept out of your reach for at least 6 months. Go through your MP3 player and delete any songs that remind you of him or her. [10] X Expert Source Maggie MitchellLife Coach Expert Interview. 18 October 2021. Replace them with encouraging, upbeat tracks that encourage you to be confident and forge ahead. If you have a child or a pet with this person, obviously you cannot just get rid of them. Instead, focus on the things you have done to nurture this being and give it a good life.
If you believe in a higher power, karma, or some form of cosmic justice, reason that he or she will get the appropriate payback eventually. If you do not believe that someone else will dole out payback on your behalf, make peace with the fact that life is not fair. This person may have hurt you unjustly, but that does not give you the right to act out. Remember the old George Herbert quote: “Living well is the best revenge. " Going on with your life and refusing to sink to the other person’s level communicates to him or her that you will not be affected by what happened, essentially rendering it insignificant.
If absolutely necessary, grant yourself 10 or 15 minutes each day to feel emotional. When those minutes are up, tell yourself you’ll think about it tomorrow. As the days tick by, you’ll need fewer and fewer of those minutes. Even noticing that you need fewer and fewer minutes will help you feel good, too.
If you do find yourself thinking of them, shift your attention. We all daydream and find ourselves thinking things we’re surprised we’re thinking. The second they creep in your mind, tell yourself you’re not going to think about it, or that you’ll think about it later (hint: you won’t need to). Find someone to talk to, a game to play, or anything else that can keep your attention, even if it’s just for a few minutes – that’s all you’ll need.
Ask your friends to keep this in mind, too. They can help keep things light and airy to keep your mind off of things. When you need the boost, call them up, and they’ll know just what to do to make you feel better.
Keeping in mind your self-worth will make it much easier to get the ball rolling. Remember: you’re awesome! The whole world is in front of you and just bubbling with opportunities. What are you going to do next?
Mastering a new skill and bettering yourself will make you feel good. You may even feel like a new and improved person that’s too good for the person you’re forgetting, improving your self-esteem. Improving yourself is the best thing to do in this situation for you, your self-worth, and your peace of mind.
Have a diet that’s mostly fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean meats. Get a balance of fiber, protein, complex carbohydrates, and healthy fats (like the ones found in fish, nuts, or olive oil). Stay away from processed junk that gives you a kick initially, but in the end just slows you down. Aim to exercise for 30 minutes a day, whether it’s walking, swimming, running, or even dancing or cleaning the house. Do it in small chunks if your schedule doesn’t allow for large chunks of time. Even small efforts, like parking far away from the entrance, will add up over time.
When you feel like you’d rather hole up and hide under the covers, allow yourself to be a homebody for an hour or so and then put a stop to it by saying yes to that invitation and going out and being social. You won’t feel like it initially, but by the end of the night, you’ll be glad you did.
The grieving process is natural and, in most cases, has to be gone through. There are 5 stages, and they may take a while to complete. Be patient with yourself – you’ll see progress as time passes.
Don’t forget to forgive yourself. For many of us, we hold grudges against ourselves more easily than we hold grudges against others. Remember that at the time, you did what you thought was right. They did, too. No one is to blame or is at fault. The past is in the past and it’s going to stay there. And that is for the best – this way, you’re free to move on.
