Don’t start conversations with, “hey” or “what up. " It doesn’t give you anywhere to go. Start with an interesting question or an observation, or a comment. [1] X Expert Source Sarah Schewitz, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 April 2019. Even if it’s small, start with, “Whoa, whoa-whoa. There’s no way I can’t ask you about your new profile picture. Is that a waterfall? Please dish. " Don’t start with a line. Innuendo or crude jokes aren’t the way to get someone interested. Read the next section for more specific advice for picking conversation topics.
Ask lots of follow-up questions. If the waterfall profile picture was in Cancun last summer, ask about the trip. How was it? What was the most ridiculous thing you saw there? Worst thing you ate? Don’t pry. Asking questions like, “That sounds so fun! I’d be scared to try sky-diving. How was it?” is one thing. But the answer to “How can you afford to sky-dive when you work in the service industry?” isn’t any of your business.
Sometimes, gentle teasing can be flirty and electric, or it can make you come off like a jerk. It might be funny to one person to say, “Whoa nice waterfall picture. That looks cold. Plus those plants are wack. Nice try though. " To others, not so much.
“Leaving them waiting” is the rallying cry of people with no dates. If you want to chat online, be there to chat. If you want to ignore people’s messages, go do something else. If someone else isn’t talking to you, leave them alone. There’s no sense in peppering them with a million interesting and well-formed questions that they’re going to respond “lol” to.
Look for a high note that might be difficult to top. If you get someone really laughing, but can’t think of anywhere to go beyond that, just end the conversation: “Good talking to you. Gotta feed the dog, though. He’s about to eat me. "
On the other hand, don’t give up too easily. Online chats can take some time to get to know someone. As mentioned earlier, keep it lighthearted and stay approachable.
Write the same way you talk. You don’t need to make yourself “sound smart” or try to use words you wouldn’t normally use to flirt. It’ll come off as fake and awkward. [3] X Research source On the other hand, self-deprecating humor can sometimes be funny, but it can also sometimes come off as desperate or annoying. It’s good to talk about yourself in positive ways.
Take advantage of the Internet as a resource. Just read a funny article or saw a funny . gif or a cute video? Pass it on. Something to share and talk about. [4] X Research source Different people like to talk about different things. To one person, it might be flirty to tell long stories and talk about serious subjects, while to another it might be dull. To one person, it might be flirty to talk about partying, while to others it could be a turn-off. Read each person and adjust.
Don’t go right for the crude sexual references. Some innuendo can be flirty with the right person, but only once you’ve gotten to know someone. If it feels pornographic, it’s not flirting. Avoid blurting out “I love you” on the basis of five minutes of chat and one profile photo. That will be an immediate relationship killer. It’s okay to tell the other person that you think they’re lovely, fascinating and gorgeous, but leave out love language until you both seem to know each other quite a lot better. If you wouldn’t say it flirting in real life, don’t say it online.
If you don’t have anything in common, or can’t figure out what you’ve got in common, ask questions until you find something. Even if the questions are silly, like, “What’s the best month and why?” or “What’s your sign?” you’ll be able to start talking about something.
Don’t ramble about your own life too much. Talking about your whole history and backstory is a good way to make someone think you’re self-obsessed. Share smart details.
Don’t be a sad-sack if you’re trying to flirt. If you’ve been striking out a lot lately, it won’t sound flirtatious to say so. It’ll sound desperate. Be very, very careful about talking about serious things like marriage, monogamy and having children, especially if you don’t know the person. These are all flirt-killing words. Wait until you’re in person to talk about these things.
“Tell me the story of the best sandwich you ever ate. " “Which member of the Wu-Tang Clan or One Direction or the Beatles best represents you as a person?” “If you could go to any country, what would it be?” “What’s better, naps or hot-tubs? Or Netflix? Or. . . hiking? I say hiking, I’m not lazy I swear. Go on, I’m sorry. "
Compliments are nice, but they’re also hard to respond to. Try to turn it into a conversation: “That picture of you at the waterfall is so pretty! You look great. What happened that day?” One compliment per conversation is appropriate. If you start to seem overly complimentary, it can seem obsessive or creepy. If you think someone is attractive, that’s nice to hear, but it’s not necessary to say five times every minute.
Match OkCupid Tinder MeetUp Plenty of Fish eHarmony
Match OkCupid Tinder MeetUp Plenty of Fish eHarmony
Don’t be basic and boring. Every other profile has the phrases, “Living life to the fullest” and “I just like to travel” on it. Be honest and find something interesting to say. Think carefully about how you summarize yourself in the profile. Pull out the most distinctive, interesting and true things about yourself to put out there for all to read. Honest doesn’t mean desperate. If you haven’t been on a date in 20 years, it’s not necessary to broadcast it for attention.
Be yourself. Don’t try to be the tough, scantily clad, or bizarre version of yourself in your photo. Show yourself as a genuine, regular and likable human being with a photo that shows you at your best. No nudes and no drunk pics. Not a good idea.
Having someone who seemed nice at first but turns really weird holding your phone number or address is plain creepy, if not downright frightening. Avoid any temptation to post hundreds of photos of yourself for people to check out. Anyone you’re flirting with will start to think that you’re vain.
